Woah, guys! It has been a minute since I’ve been blogging. Why!?
I left off after being in Bali and Thailand. I had such a life changing experience there and then accidentally *contracted* back into a life that is epic in all ways and still wasn’t what I necessarily truly desired.
SO. I am back.
A very quick synopsis of the last few months of my life sounds appropriate, but then we will get right into where I am right here right now. It’s all juicy.. but the present is the place for me.
AND I promise not to desert you ever again! How rude!?
It’s wild how easy it is to let this practice of journaling go. I mean, I still journal on my own, I still count my lucky stars, and I definitely have been on facebook.. Somewhere along the line though I felt the need to stop blogging..
I have inquired about why and this is what I have come up with..
PEOPLE. Why I listen or care about what other people have to say about my life is beyond me.. (It isn’t really beyond me, but you get what I’m saying. Society has these “norms” and in order to “succeed” we have to follow these “norms” so people will “like” us and the whole thing is designed for soul shattering failure.). Oh, oh hi. It is the truth though. When I feel like I can’t share all of me – the good, the bad, the ugly, the pretty – then I just drop out because, if you don’t want the real, real then why are you here?
SO! I’m back and feeling more supercharged than ever. Sometimes I have to ask myself… are you tripping (literally) or drunk (nope) or high (not usually my style) this is the power of the Shakti rising. This powerful surge of confidence, or fearless expression and expansion, the readiness of being seen because I deserve to let my flag fly how ever I deem necessary.
It has always been my soul calling.
Never in my life have I “fit in” and why would I want to start now? When I try to dim my shine or buffer my truth I end up sick.
Which brings me to the jungle fever.
I’m in the jungle and just started this amazing new gig working at Danyasa Retreat Center as the guest liasison. I get to meet people and make people comfortable all day long and in my spare time I get to teach yoga.
I manifested the metaphorical jackpot.
Four or five months ago I wrote a letter to myself about my Heaven and wa-la here it is. That is the power of prayer and good, supportive friendships. I have this girlfriend, — super successful babe, right — and we just go off on each other’s dreams really getting into the details and fun fancy stuff. It works! When we let others support us we really get to witness the universe shift to guide us down the stream of life towards the primary dream.. and then the next dream.. and the next!
So.. I was in Bali and Thailand.. Came back to the United States and moved back to Chicago even though I really wanted to go to LA to work on the beach. (Which ends up the woman that owns this retreat center worked for the same woman I was going to work with.. totally a sign and I am heading to meet this woman after this winters travels.)
It was worth it being in Chicago though because I got to reconnect with parts of my soul tribe and that did inadvertently get me here. HERE! Here in the jungle with the coolest people ever.. living a simple life with good food and meeting all sorts of rad people. I’ve only been here a week an feel right at home. Calling in my Costa Rican Lover as we speak (he doens’t have to be from Costa Rica but that’s the chapter of the story we are in) and finding the flow of work and play.
Oh, after Chicago I traveled to Tennessee, Austin, Denver, Boulder, Utah, Las Vegas, and all over California connecting with more tribe and offering cacao ceremonies. WhAT A DreAM. Plus I did it with this amazing, man, Nick Meador, who shares the same passions and values as me: traveling, allowing spirit to soar, and supporting others in their own expansion and finding fulfillment.
The trip was full of deep connections and new friends, nature, and lots of hot springs. How dreamy!
Back to the present.. I’ve arrived in Costa Rica and have settled in at my new place and things are unfolding divinely. I got a job teaching yoga which was totally a part of my plan and we are offering our first new moon sister circle on Saturday.
My body and mind are still catching up though. I started getting “the sickness” on Friday before my yoga audition, which lead me towards so much anxiety. I am actually amazed at how connected my mind, body, and spirit are. This “cold” or the gripe.. or whatever it is was so stifling to my confidence. ALL my issues came roaring back at me in the strangest ways.
Emotional Rollercoast of tears
Finally, after some tears and a few vulnerable moments with some other yoga teachers here.. I am feeling better.
I got a sub for the class I was already subbing and took a two hour nap on top of my 10 hours of sleep last night. I drank mostly liquids and ate very little. I swallowed cloves of garlic whole.
And, finally, the sickness is breaking.
Where once I was emotionally distraught questioning my spirituality because “spiritual people do not get sick,” I am now humbled that many people get sick when they come to the jungle and that I am, in fact, acclimating.
Where once I was crying over where my confidence had gone and wondering if I would ever teach yoga again.. I am now excited and quite elated actually, to get to my classes Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday.
The hardest part is over and ya know how I managed to traverse it’s dark grip?
I had to be honest with the people around me.
Then I had to ask for support.
I needed a break and to relax. What a gift to feel safe enough within my community to just ask for what is needed.
Then I got the naps and the extra love I needed and was able to s-l-o-w way down. From there I had the change to even give myself the extra attention I was so eagerly awaiting.
The jungle fever is broken. I am officially an international yoga teacher. My dreams are all true. The patience and persistence have paid off..
And I spent a solid 5 minutes laughing tonight about my sickness.. which definitely means that I am back in control of my life.
Self – care is huge, ladies and gentleman.
SO! Cheers to presence and peace. I have 2 months here (before the next adventure) and te future is a brilliant mystery. I’ll let it unfold moment by moment as I continue to surrender into the sweetness of my divine feminine form.
I have arrived.