It’s December 26th and the streets of Chicago are quiet while the sun shines brightly and families relax on their final day off before getting back to work. This year Christmas with the Kreps Family went the smoothest it ever has. Christmas Pasts have been littered with drama and tension, but things are really looking up for my family as we have all embarked on paths of deep healing and compassion.
It is a beautiful thing indeed. Where once in my life I might have avoided Christmas or complained, this year I actually went to Indiana early to spend the night with my family. The whole next day we enjoy good conversation and catching up. Lots of laughter, children running around, and food.
hmm.. For once the only problem was myself — and it wasn’t even that much of a problem! Ya see, I’ve become quite a healthy woman but whenever I’m visiting family I can’t help but indulge in weird casseroles and cheese.. Shh! Don’t tell my vegan alter-ego… Well, by the end of the evening and after visiting with both sides of the family I realized I couldn’t handle it anymore! I got so upset and had to leave in a tough ((after literally falling asleep in a food coma on the couch for probably 20-30 minutes.)) Yuck. I was appalled with my behavior. I quickly gathered my things to drive back to Chicago and take a bath in my safe haven. I was stifling tears as I made my way to the car, doing my best to stay sweet since we had all had such a beautiful day together. I kept telling my family that next year I wanted to try something different for Christmas (I hardly celebrate this holiday anyways as I am Pagan and honor Soulstice.) I begged them to go on a trip with me or perhaps make different foods.. Regardless, it was my own choice to leave feeling the way I did; Full, gross, and full of regrets.
But something magical happened.. As I made my way out to the car I began whispering compassionate affirmations to myself. I was giving myself the reinforcements I needed to make it home in one sane piece. It was brilliant. I felt so relieved. By the time I was done crying — thank the heavens for the cathartic emotional release — I was feeling much better and even vowed to never partake in Christmas that way again.
I realize that I have been putting my family first for so many years, trying to fit in with them when the reality is that I don’t. So from now on I will do what is best for me. Maybe that means no more Christmas’s, or maybe that means catering Christmas myself.. or planning more activities ((I’m sorry but eating and then sitting all day sounds more like Hell than a birthday party for Jesus..))
When I got home I was feeling so much better I stayed up late cleaning and dancing, writing, setting intentions, and enjoying a warm bath. This Christmas was all about compassion, compassion for myself! I’m so grateful that in a moment of feeling emotionally distraught I had come back to my center to realize that I could soothe myself. I had the ability to love myself through a minor melt-down.. and when I got home I completed Christmas in an absolutely lovely way.
SO! Christmas and Compassion… because the season is about way more than Presents under a tree.. It’s about love. Loving ourselves so much that we can gaze upon each person we meet with love. It’s about having compassion for ourselves so that when we interact with others we can also have compassion for them.
I hope you had a beautiful Christmas and that your heart is over-flowing with joy, and that you can begin to spread that Cheer to everyone you meet this upcoming year. <3